Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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