i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
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You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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