her vagine was all disorganized.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
