Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
