He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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