I'm really into asian looking animals
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
