Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
