We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Randomize
