I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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