I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
