Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Damn victory sex feels great
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