Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
