Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Well I just put wine in my tea
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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