i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
