he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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