There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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