are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
