the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
