I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
