if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
