so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I would fuck him just for his dog
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
