i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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