I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
