fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
