is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
