I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
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We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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