woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
