I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
