Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wish my penis had a tongue
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
