just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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