You're my little dorito
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
