hotel room ftw
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
