Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
