im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize
