My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
