So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
