so that wasnt chicken after all
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
