Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
