I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
