I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
