she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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