The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
