Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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