where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
