I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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