someone get that fucking seahorse.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
