Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A bitchslap is in order.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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