I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
