conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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