is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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