Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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