what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize