i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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