did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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