just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
