why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
