I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
