Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
