i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i drank out of a bidet.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
