OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
