Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
