yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
