im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
