By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
