I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
