oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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