Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
