Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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