you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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