FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
