Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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