my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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