dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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