I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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