in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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