didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
